I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
