he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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