Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
