I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
