Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
