READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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