Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
