Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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