i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
