I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
