Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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