my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
