Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
