It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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