Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
