dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She's the barista slut.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize