And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
