If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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