i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
