he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
