well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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