So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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