i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
