i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
