Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize