we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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