yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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