I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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