I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
