i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
