yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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