why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
