I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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