I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
