Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
