I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
