Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like eating out sand paper
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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