it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The air was thick with penises
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
