he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
