Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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