quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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