He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
