I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Small penises have feelings too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
