you have to choose: penises or morals?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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