I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize