Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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