I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
