There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
