I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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