using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
