so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
