I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
