My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
