i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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