Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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