it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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