Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
