is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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