I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
