Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
