Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
and you fell through a lawn chair
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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