the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize