I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
