she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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