this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
