Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
