Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They have beer where we have blood.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
