my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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