Girls should come with a carfax report
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
