We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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