who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
