Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
