I faked an abortion last night.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
