so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
