her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
