I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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