you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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