This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
