yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i believe in u and ur pee
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