it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
