my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
