Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
