Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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