whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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