Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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