TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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