I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
