What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
