You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
