Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
