So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
