We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
